E-mail: elbereth235@tds.net
Title: Frank Thinks
Rating: PG
Fandom: Homicide: Life on the Street
Summary: Set right after The Movie, anymore would give the story away.
Author's Notes: I'd like to thank DEA for the beta job and to Lady Athena, Daisy and Pseudo for putting up with me asking repeatedly "Is it really alright?".
***
I slip into bed with Mary, holding her tight. She rolls over to face me, and asks "What's wrong Frank?"
Mary has always been able to see through my lies. I can't respond,
so I pull her tighter and close my eyes at the tears threatening to come.
Even though I didn't tell Bayliss, I have worried about Olivia and Frank
Jr. Worried about them becoming another murder statistic, another
drug addict statistic. I watched them for at least an hour after
I got home from the station. I wished that I could take them far
away from here, and protect them from the evils of the world that I know
all too well are out there.
Tim means more to me then I will ever admit to anyone. He stayed
my partner even after I repeatedly pushed him away. He forced his
way into my life, stayed by my side during my stroke. He was there
during Frank Jr's delivery reassuring me that everything was going to be
okay. And I believed that everything was going to work out.
And I couldn't do that for him when he was shot. I couldn't stay
at the hospital to be there when he woke up; I had to investigate a fellow
cop. Shot jumping in front of a bullet aimed at my head. He
saved my life, and I couldn't absolve him of his sins tonight.
I couldn't take away his guilt. Oh God, I wish I could take it away.
Take all of it away, from the time when he was abused as a child, to his
first murder to his confession tonight.
I refused to turn him in tonight because I couldn't let him ruin himself like that, although a part of me wanted to avenge Ryland, the low lifed scum that he was. My job centered on arresting the evil of the world, and yet I couldn't turn Tim in. The part that couldn't turn Tim in won tonight. I don't know if he will confess his sins to anyone else tonight.
I hope not.
Traditionally, being a former officer of the law, does not bode well to a long life expectancy in prison. I know that if he did confess his sins and gets killed in prison, I will wear my dress blues to his funeral. No matter that he killed a man in cold blood. Tim was my partner for six years. He watched my back and taught the almighty Frank Pembleton that there are shades of gray, and some good in this world.
The tears that I have been holding back since Tim's confession on the rooftop start to fall as Mary strokes my back. She knows that Gee was killed; since it was on every news program tonight. I don't know whether she knows that my tears are for Tim telling me that he killed someone in cold blood.
I stopped by a church on the way home for the first time in years and lit a candle for him. I confessed my own sin of omission to a priest. Something I have not done for years, since before Tim came to Homicide, looking lost and confused.
Adena Watson; hell of a break for a first case. An 11 year old girl brutally raped and murdered in a cold, rainy alley. Even then he had started to burrow under my skin, under the cold facade that I show the world. In contrast, My first murder was a simple dunker. A woman killed her husband to stop him from beating her. Simple and straight forward. My first Box interrogation, and I got a confession.
Mary still rubs my back, making comforting noises. I cling to her like a lifeline. She again asks me what's wrong, and this time I tell her. The words come out in fits and starts, but finally she knows the full truth. From what happened in the Mahoney case to Tim's execution of Luke Ryland. She tells me that I did the right thing in not turning Tim in, reminding me that he is a good man. She tells me that what he did was to protect society. Even though I know these things, it is nice to hear someone else say them.
I yawn, as the long hours I put in the past couple days catch up to me. I'll read the newspaper in the morning to find out if Tim succeeded in finding someone to listen to his confession. I hope that some of the new detectives have at least some common sense and don't let Tim turn himself in. I force myself to remember and trust that we are all Brothers in Arms, even if we have never known the other cop. I won't know if my trust has been betrayed until the morning. Sleep comes slowly; my mind is still processing Tim's confession and Gee's death. Finally I sleep.
~~finis~~